I was painting today while listening to a sermon by Voddie Baucham for the fifth or sixth time. Typically, I only listen to these sermons while I work so I miss parts of them when I get really focused. But painting is so boring that.. *cough* ;-P
Anywayssssssss.
Something really hit me smack in the forehead. He said that, paraphrasing, if you really wanted to know if a potential son-in-law is really interested in protecting your daughter and her heart he won't tell her he's interested in her. Instead, he'll come to you first. You know, I kind of already knew this but it came home to me today. If I really did care about a girl and really did want to marry her why would I just want her attention? Of course I do lust after short lived attention and "love."
If I cared so little that I would try to circumvent the father in her life does that mean I really care about her? And even if her father isn't involved in her life I want to love her and protect her and still run it by him. Why? Well, because he should be involved in her life and he should be the man who most loves her and protects her.
Being a selfish person, I want to be loved and appreciated without the commitment. Or maybe I could call it a lust for those things. And starting a relationship with a young woman on a note where I could care less about her father is incredibly unwise. It shows that I really have no interest in protecting her. If I show that I don't care for her father up front, how am I going to treat her later?
The key to this relationship is love for others in Christ. The thing that I must not forget is that when I'm getting married I am getting married because I want to glorify God and I want her to grow more in Him. If she's not going to grow more in Him, then I am actually hurting her and am not loving her. At times, I see how there is a major focus on getting married around me. And yes, marriage is good. When you find a wife you find a good thing (Prov.18:22). A very good thing. But if you are not under Christ and are not going to point your wife to Him you are failing and should avoid stumbling her.
Day 267
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2 comments:
Amen to all the above... May God give us the grace and strength to follow through.
It's amazing how screwed-up our definition of 'love' is.... A young man says he 'loves' her - and yet he is not willing to honor the authority God has already placed in her life. This is not love... If he truly loved her, he would be willing to die to himself, and even if the father told him 'No' - even then, and especially then, he must continue to honor and respect the authority in her life.
Daniel, I don't know how old you are but there is a lot this philosophy does not take into account.
My father was an abuser, a rapist and a pervert who hurt me and my sister and who cheated on my mother. In our culture, much like yours, a young man was expected to go to a girl's father first. I found out years later than when I was in my teens a number did, good, decent young men, only to be lied to by my father so he could continue to abuse me. He even lied to our pastor who believed that I was the pervert in the house.
As soon as I was old enough to do so I cut all ties with my father. Many years and much therapy later I met a good, decent man from the same denomination who was in the military and so had grown up far away from our small town. When he asked me to marry him he asked if he should approach my father and I said no and told him why. He respected that and approached my uncle instead, a good man who loved me dearly and had my best interests at heart. After our wedding my father approached him a number of times with violent intent, and harassed us until we left the state. That was twelve years of very happy marriage ago.
If and when you find the right girl I hope you love and respect her enough to approach her *first*, before going to her father. Involving her family is important, I agree with you there, but no one knows those family dynamics better than she does and she can tell you what is safest and best for her.
If you truly want to protect her, respect her and remember that only she knows what she needs.
Good luck and God bless
- RF
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