Behind my Back, Really? - Day 162

Sometimes I wonder about people, specifically what are they thinking? What's going through their minds as I talk to them. What are they picking up that they aren't saying? How will they perceive me from the words that I say? What are the words that they're going to use with others, about me later.

It's that insecurity of hoping for others approval. But at the same time I hope that I won't be worried about what others say. Because the assumption is they'll either say it to my face or not at all.

I'm honestly sick of all the backstabbing that I've seen go down. Yeah, sure you can be honest to Jane about John. But being honest to John about John. Nope, not going to happen.

I tend to talk more than the average orangoutang, so I can at times open my trap once in awhile and spew out some local gossip. I'm trying to be honest to John about John, instead of to Jane. And I'm going to keep my stupid mouth shut about others. That's part of being a good friend. You know, at some point your friend's going to be stupid. It's a fact of life that everyone does something dumb or a bunch of dumb things. But the fact is a true friend won't go blabbing his mouth to every Joe, Dick, and Harry. And I do want to be a friend who people can rely on and trust. There are too many undependable people. If you want a friend who will gossip about you and use you, they're really easy to find. Those who are dependable, actually care about you, and don't spread gossip all over. That's a different story.

So if you do find a friend like that, treasure them. I'm not a good friend, but maybe someday I will be.